And the results are...

I met with Dr. Roberts this morning to discuss my blood work results from a couple of weeks ago. I was extremely nervous about having to meet with her. I have never had to meet with her in person to discuss blood work and this seemed very scary to me. I found out that I was nervous for N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

The blood work that I had done was to determine whether or not I was suffering from PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and if this was the cause of our repeated miscarriages. My testosterone was a little high. Dr. Roberts said that this supported our diagnosis of PCOS, but that it was a lot lower than what she thought I would have had so I only have a very mild case of PCOS. My peptide (glucose) and sodium both came back normal, so I do not have any insulin resistance which is great news. The only other thing that came back a little high was my potassium. Dr. Roberts really felt that this was nothing and that my repeat blood work to test the potassium from last week would reflect a normal range.

To treat my PCOS we are continuing my diet plan with my nutritionist and are going to continue taking birth control for the next three months. Dr. Roberts said that since I have such a mild case of PCOS, a few months of birth control and weight loss should cure it completely!!! I have decided to wait to try again until I reach a certain weight. I am down 10lbs so far and am DETERMINED to reach my goal and become a mother!!! So here's praying that a baby will come our way in the next year or so!!!

A New Plan

Today was my follow-up doctor's appointment since the miscarriage. Dr. Roberts believes that I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I had blood drawn today to confirm this diagnosis and should know the results within this next week. Throughout this entire process I have often wondered if this might be where my issues lie, so both Dr. Roberts and myself are almost positive that I have PCOS.

I just LOVE Dr. Roberts! Even if all the blood work comes back good we have decided on a new plan of action. (I LOVE planners, as I am one myself). We have decided that I will take the next 3 months off from trying to get pregnant. During this time (more than likely) I will be placed on birth control for 3 months in order to regulate my hormones and also start a diet plan. After those 3 months I will then begin taking Femara (new fertility drug comparable to Clomid) and Prometrium. Dr. Roberts is pretty positive and confident that once we get my hormones "in-check" we will have a successful pregnancy.

As soon as I have more information and get my blood results back I will update everyone! Again, thanks for your prayers and thoughts during this time...Wesley and I really do appreciate everything.

What am I going to do???

I truly thought this month was going to be an absolute success. Boy, did I turn out to be wrong… Life just keeps kicking me in the gut for some reason. All I can hope and pray about is that someday I will understand all of this and have a baby to show for it.

As you all know who have previously read my blog I had a pretty successful month as far as ovulating goes. I had all the “typical/normal” showings of positive ovulation. Then I began the terrible two-week wait. The wait seemed to go on and on this month since I was having so many pregnancy-like symptoms. I was a “Positive Patty” though and just knew that everything was going to work out.

Two weeks ago I began to experience major boob and nipple pain (TMI). I usually have no sensitivity in this area, so it was an extreme difference. Starting last Monday I began to have lots of visible veins in both my nipples and boobs. One vein even stretched from my collarbone to my nipple. It became very “National Geographic” at my house. I still was apprehensive about actually being pregnant since I had read that Prometrium side effects would sometimes mimic early pregnancy symptoms. By late that same night I began to have some very light pink spotting when wiping. Wes and I figured that it was my period starting and decided to just be happy that I had ovulated.

Since I am on Prometrium my doctor has me test for pregnancy two weeks following ovulation and then test again, if we get a negative, the next week. On Wednesday morning I took my first pregnancy test since the pink spotting had disappeared. The results were so faint that I was unsure that we were actually seeing a positive. I did as the box said and decided to wait 2-3 more days and test again. That afternoon we left for a little vacation to visit my in-laws and I continued to get more and more excited.

On Friday morning I awoke very early and took another pregnancy test. This time the test came up positive right away! Wes and I were beyond excited. I just knew that this time would be different. We were on the Prometrium and I actually felt pregnant this time! I also decided that since we had the miscarriage at 4-5 weeks last time that I would wait until our first ultrasound to announce it to the world. I was determined to be cautiously optimistic. Wes and I told only our parents so that at the very least we would have their support early on.

But like everything in my life-all good things must eventually come to an end. So here it is my second miscarriage story:

Monday morning I began spotting light pink. I knew then that something was wrong. Nothing is more scary than spotting when you are pregnant. Since I already had to go in and have blood work done I decided I would talk to someone while I was there. I was told not to worry unless I started bleeding, it became bright red in color, or if I started cramping. By Monday night I was still spotting only, but I began to cramp in my lower right side of my back.

Tuesday morning: My doctor’s office called concerned about my spotting and cramping. She said that it still might not be anything since there are some women who spot throughout the first trimester but because of my history she wanted to see me asap. I also got back my results from the blood work I had on Monday. My hCG was 154 and progesterone was 84. I had an ultrasound, meeting with Dr. Roberts, and blood work again. The ultrasound showed nothing: my uterine lining was extremely thick and the tech did not see any erosion; I had a small cyst on my left ovary, but the tech believed that was due to proper ovulation this month and said it was probably what was helping my progesterone be so high (no embryo or yolk sac could be seen due to early date).

When I met with Dr. Roberts she was so excited about my numbers. She performed an exam to see if she could find the source of the bleeding. She told me that if it was the cervix it would be an easy fix. Of course mine was not the easy fix; she stated the bleeding was coming from the right side of my uterus. Now the ultrasound had put my mind to rest a little, but when she said this, my mind began to work all over again. She told me that children make us patient—boy isn’t that the truth. I had blood work done to determine my blood type and a complete OB panel and was told to go home and rest and come back on Wednesday to have my hCG and progesterone ran again. If my hCG went down we knew I was losing the baby and if it went up any my doctor wanted to continue fighting for the baby. (I was told you want the number to go up by at least 66% every 48 hours for a healthy pregnancy.)

I already knew before the nurse called that the baby was gone…As a woman I believe you just know when things are wrong. My blood work from Wednesday came back hCG: 63.5 and Progesterone 35. Both numbers had dropped showing a definite miscarriage. I still cannot believe that I have had two consecutive miscarriages within 7 months! Although this one was not as much of a shock to the system it is causing me to lose my mind. I want to fight somebody! I am angry, sad, disappointed, confused, and above all else SCARED! What if I never have a baby! You are so hopeful after just one miscarriage, but after two in a row???

Since I have had two consecutive miscarriages (both at around 5 weeks pregnant) Wesley and I are meeting with Dr. Roberts to discuss our options for possible genetic testing, additional blood work, etc. Thank God my doctor is not one of those doctors who believe you should wait until you’ve had a third miscarriage! Pray that we find out something in the next couple of months, so we will know what to do. All I know is, I want a baby more now than I ever did.

A Much Needed Attitude Change...

So, I finally have evaluated what has become of my life lately...and decided that I officially need an attitude change. I have been so wrapped up in trying to become pregnant that I have begun to neglect both those around me and myself. I have realized that I am not helping myself any by being a total control-freak and worrying all the time.

After being frazzled all week long about the wait-time for testing for pregnancy, I decided it was time for a change. I decided officially that from now on I am going to stay positive! I want to enjoy this time with my husband. I need to remember that I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband, great family, and a good life. This is not to say that I will never have another "bad" day, but I am going to strive from now on to enjoy my life as it is NOW. I have peace now that Wesley and I will become parents sometime in the near future. I also finally realize that I can not control when this happens so I need to be patient with the process and leave it in God's hands.

I mean, honestly, even if there is totally perfect circumstances when trying to become pregnant you still only have a 20% chance of achieving it any one month...so what's the point of worrying. Worrying will only cause more stress which in turn may keep me from having a healthy pregnancy. So no more worrying either...My body is finally doing what it should be doing so let's just enjoy that for the moment. The other will fall into place when it is suppose to.

So to all those out there struggling with things: Keep your head up!!! Like I said before, enjoy who you are and what you have NOW and don't dwell on what you don't have. I am going to try my hardest to live by this from this day forward...

The Beginning of our Baby Journey

I wanted to start this blog not only to give friends/family a way to hear about our family and view photos, but I also wanted the opportunity to help others who might be struggling with the same fertility issues I have. I also wanted a way to "vent" and not feel so lonely while going through these "trials". I hope that this blog will offer some people a little peace and some answers to their questions. I have found it hard to get the questions I have answered properly and/or been able to find any information regarding my particular situation(s). As a result...here we are...

My background:

A couple of years ago I began having terrible, reoccurring migraines. I began seeing a neurologist who believed that the reason I had these migraines could have something to do with hormonal issues and I would have to essentially "grow-out-of-them". (Looking back on this I should have known at that moment that my hormones were definitely wrong) After seeing this neurologist and conferring with other people who had issues with migraines, I decided to quit taking my birth control pills and leave it completely in God's hands.

Those of you who know me know that I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother, so when I quit taking the birth control I was happy. Not only might I quit having migraines, but now maybe I would fulfill my long wanted dream of being a mother. Wesley and I decided it would be okay if I did become pregnant during this time, but did not begin actively pursing it until this past fall.

This past fall, I began to become more anxious about why we still had not gotten pregnant. I knew plenty of people who simply went off their birth control only to become pregnant within a few months. Why was I still not pregnant when I hadn't been preventing it? I began reading. During this time of study I learned more about the female reproductive system than I ever had in all the many (and I do mean many) science classes I have taken. I learned about ovulation and the miniscule chance of becoming pregnant any women has each month. It was a shocker! I encourage all women out there to read and learn about their bodies! Don't just believe that you simply can have sex and bam be pregnant. It truly does not work this way.

In January I began seeing a new doctor who advised me of the many tests we could do to find out why I was not pregnant after over a year of trying. (First and foremost, let me mention that I am overweight, but this doctor made one of the best comments I have ever heard. She simply told me that if my being overweight was the only reason why I hadn't become pregnant then why can you sit in a mall and see all different sizes of pregnant women?) The first step was having blood work done to see if all of my hormones were in normal ranges.

On the 20th day of my cycle I went back to the doctor's office and had blood work taken to measure my progesterone, estrogen, thyroid, and a few others. Well, surprise surprise...my progesterone was considerably low, a 1.8. (Normal levels are considered to be over 10) My doctor suggested that I begin taking the fertility drug Clomid to help increase these levels. She was determined that I was not ovulating due to this low level of progesterone. I was to begin taking the Clomid on days 5-9 of my following cycle.

Well, my periods are very regular; usually between 28-32 days. In February, I waited and waited for my cycle to begin, but it never came. My mother was determined I was pregnant, but I was doubtful. How could that be if my doctor said that I did not ovulate? I finally decided to take an at home pregnancy test on March 3rd since my cycle was over a week late. And low and behold if it wasn't positive! My husband and family were all so excited, but I was still scared. I could not understand why I did not feel at peace or even excited about it. I began to obsess and take pregnancy test after pregnancy test. I believe I took a total of 5 tests!!! The following day I went into the doctor's office and had a blood test ran to confirm the pregnancy.

On Friday, March 5th the doctor's office called back with the results; I WAS PREGNANT!!!...but my pesky progesterone was lower than what they wanted for pregnancy. (at the time I did not ask about the specific level, but I know now, a 10.4 when the "normal" is above 20) I asked the nurse on the phone should I be concerned and asked her to explain what that meant in terms of the pregnancy. She simply said it was not bad just to take the Prometrium that they were calling into my pharmacy and then come back for more blood work on the following Monday. That was it...To this day I become irritated just thinking about that conversation and how nonchalant she acted...Since the nurse acted like it wasn't a big deal, I began to feel excited. I began to call family and let them know we were expecting and were about 4-5 weeks along.

Here's the gut-rencher...less than 3 hours after all of this celebrating and relief I began to have sharp pains in my lower rightside of my back. I also began to have some brown spotting. I was scared to death! I got my computer out and started researching. Some people claimed it could be implantation bleeding while others were stating it could be a miscarriage. I began to get really scared so I called my doctor (after hours, of course). She stated that it could be the starting of a miscarriage, but it could also be normal. She told me that if I started bleeding heavily or had any severe pain to go to the hospital otherwise I should just take it easy. No more than 30 minutes after this conversation I began to have significant pain and bleeding. I will leave out the details for now, but I had a complete miscarriage. My husband, love his heart, lost his first child on his birthday.

No one can understand what a women goes through when this happens. And to be honest I am not sure I completely grasp what happened. I just wish someone would have told me how serious my progesterone issue was. Of course I was told by the doctor's office that the low progesterone was just a sign of a impending miscarriage, but I know differently. I have heard from too many other ladies who lost babies or have/had infertility issues due to simply low progesterone. This same doctor who acted so concerned and seemed excited to help me pursue my dreams of becoming a mother than refused to listen to anything I had to say, answer any of my questions, or even see me after the miscarriage. I began seeing her nurse practioner. Now given I know that she had stopped delivering babies, but simply saying too bad is not good enough! Needless to say, I have found a new doctor for this and many reasons to follow in my following posts...